My last letter to Momster - 9/26 entry on FTF

I've been NC with my mom for awhile (see my other posts), but she called me recently. I don't engage her in conversation anymore, because of the way she shouts me down, twists my words, and goes out of the way to find something she can criticize. So when she calls, I always let voicemail pick up. This time, her voice was pleasant, and she apparently was calling to give me a friendly update on how her dog made it thru an operation and how the family was doing. She didn't ask that I return her call, and I didn't. But then guilt set in, and I thought I ought to at least respond in letter. So I sent her this:

Dear Mom,

Thank you for your last phone call, where you gave me an update on everyone. I’m glad to hear that dog J came through his surgery okay. Sorry to hear that dog R is not doing well. I hope he gets better. It’s also good to hear that bro S has a job now. I’m sure that’s a big relief for him. I hope bro M gets through this rough time and that his company pulls through. It sounds like you have some peace of mind now that dad’s heart is being monitored daily, and I’m glad he’s continuing to do well.

It’s been a long time since I’ve really told you anything at all about my life and I’m thinking now might be a good time. As you know, my wrist has recovered 100%. My doctor told me that my shoulder problem was due to ‘adhesive capsulitis’, also known as frozen shoulder, which was probably triggered from surgery. The good news is that it is only a temporary condition, and should go away over time. In fact, I would say about 80% of the pain has now gone away, and I have about 90% of my mobility back. I’m sure I’ll be as good as new in another six months or so. I’m continuing to exercise. My best gf has joined the same gym as me, and we’ve been early morning workout partners for the past few months. My company is doing very well, and my job is stable. We recently moved into a brand new building, which makes it a nicer work environment.

S is also doing well in his job. He recently received a promotion and a significant pay raise. He bought me a ring and asked me to marry him. I said yes, of course, and am very excited and happy! We’re planning a June wedding and a honeymoon in the Bahamas. Most of his family will probably come down for the wedding. Plus we have several friends from church who will help us celebrate. We want to try to keep it small and simple though, to avoid going into debt.

M (future sd) is doing very well in school, and has lots of friends. She recently learned how to ride her bike without training wheels. She said she thinks it’s cool that I’m going to be her stepmom, and she’s looking forward to being the flower girl in our wedding. Her mom only has supervised visitation with her now, as she is in a treatment program to recover from addiction to prescription painkillers. But M seems to be adjusting well in spite of this.

We’ve adopted a skinny little Chihuahua puppy back in May. He’s a teacup Chihuahua and weighed just barely a pound when we got him. He now weighs around 3 lbs. and probably won’t get much bigger. We named him Rufus. He’s not quite housetrained yet, but is getting there. He’s about due to go in to be fixed.

Well that’s about it. I’ve been busy with wedding plans and trying to sort out the stuff in my apartment that I’ve accumulated these past five years to get ready for the big move in June. I’m really sorry that you’ve had such a hard time accepting my choices and boundaries. But I forgive you, just as God, for Christ’s sake, has forgiven me of my sins. And I pray for you every day. I know that God has a plan and purpose for my life. And I will go where He wants me to go, do what He wants me to do, be who He wants me to be, and love who He wants me to love. Hopefully, someday you will be able to understand and accept this. In any case, I will continue to pray for you and I wish you well.

Love, C&W

Well, she got the letter today, and I got a message from her on my cell phone. She said she could tell from the writing on the envelope that there's a letter from me. And she's calling to say that she's not going to read it, because my letters are "too mean". If I have anything to say to her, I need to say it in person. Then she went on to say how she'll never forgive my fiance for inquiring as to why my brothers and I are all over 40 and never married. She said both my bros were offended (not likely) that he would ask such a thing, etc. and she will never ever forgive him, nor will she ever forgive me for defending him. I guess I'm frustrated that she will not at least open the letter, and see there is nothing mean or accusatory in it, and that I forgive her. But I think God is telling me that even if I told her in person, she still wouldn't be able to receive it. I am only responsible for what I do. I can't control her response or actions. So I just need to let it go and move on.