Momster's last letter to me

After months of no contact with momster, I get a call from her saying that she received a letter from the bank that was addressed to me. Apparently, my bank used my old address (her address) to send me a statement to a new account I opened up with them. I called the bank to confirm it and have it changed. Plus I set up new alerts for unauthorized activity on that account. Her excuse for not simply forwarding the statement to me in the mail, (she has my address), was that "she's been trying to reach me and didn't know if I lived there anymore." My caller ID showed her calling me only once when I wasn't there. So she hasn't been trying to reach me that hard. She was just fishing to see if I had moved in with my fiance (whom she doesn't approve of), which I hadn't, and told her so. Of course, It would be way too much for me to expect her to send me my statement in the mail now. Instead she sends me this letter:

Dear C&W,

I hope you can read this. It's past 12am. Your name was Cathy and I loved it - they (social workers handling adoption - momster and endad adopted me at age 3) didn't want us to keep it and to our surprise, you didn't seem to mind. They told us you couldn't talk and you wouldn't look at people and you had a hard time walking and eating. You had a ragdoll you cried about because they wouldn't let you take it with you. Your clothes were stained and you wore diapers.

But when we first saw you in the orphanage, we saw two beautiful blue eyes and a wide grin on your beautiful little face. You came to even hug us before we said goodbye. We could have gotten a younger child, and was advised to not take you because of your brothers, M & S. But when we asked for a court date for the boys to visit you, you took right to them and just adored M. Everyone was so happy.

You were one of those many children that just fall through the cracks in the system (no fault of yours). I felt I could help you. I knew we could give you a lot of love and I know our home was far from the best. But we wanted all of you and were always so proud of you. But I see now it just wasn't that easy. You had so many problems (no fault of yours). I just felt you could overcome them with a home of your own, and love and family. Over time, I felt you had overcome so much of what you had endured.

I didn't have an easy life. Things happened to me that should never have happened to anyone. And one day, at a very young age, I decided not to go on, and to end it all. The Lord picked this little girl up and said to me, "This is the beginning. You have to make it happen. You have to try hard." I looked at my parents and loved them for giving me life. I stopped feeling sorry for myself, and over the years, I felt maybe I could help someone.Life isn't always fair. But boy, it's been good to me. I wouldn't trade any of it, and thank the Lord.

This year has been such a hard year on Dad and on M. B (brother M's gf) stayed home during Christmas, so we could have just family. I just didn't and still don't know how long Dad will be with us.

In this year, I've never heard such hatred in your voice, and I've read and reread your letters - such hatred! You blame me for breaking up your past relationships, and blame me for the decisions you have made in your life. In other words, you blame me for being your mother. How sad that you have these sort of feelings.

I do not feel bad about bringing you in our home, however. We did the best we could. It seems it wasn't good enough for you. You are no different than your brothers M & S, but I let you get away with way more than them.

But one thing, you can call it trying to break up your relationships or whatever you want. But you do not have the right to have someone disrespect me. I won't allow it and wouldn't allow your Dad to disrespect my parents. Your boyfriend wouldn't even get out of the car to help me into my car. And all you did was make fun of me for being old. (Totally distorted, I will explain later.) Did you know that your boyfriend even asked why you and your brothers never married, or were so late in getting married? Is he some kind of nut?!!

Don't you ever bring anyone around here like that again. If it means that you stay away - it's alright. We all hope you are happy. No one wishes you anything but the best.

I'm so tired. It's always a long day. Something new has come up with your father's heart condition. Your brother S came over and helped. Bless him. I can't thank your brothers enough. They have been so strong for me. Take care and all of us from the F family wish you the best.

Love, The F's