My brother's TG call

I have a brother who lives in the same area as me, but never calls me. He may send an obligatory birthday card, but other than that, I don’t hear from him. Although he used to be painted black when I was all-white, I think now he is white and enmeshed with momster, who lives nearby as well. I have another brother who lives up north. This one called me Thanksgiving evening to say happy turkey day. He knows I no longer am in contact with our momster. He talks to her almost every day on the phone.

I let him know how my Thanksgiving went, and that I’m enjoying my visit with my fiance’s family. He’s says ‘That’s nice’, and tells me he’s been working twelve hour days, and was just too exhausted to go visit his long-time gf’s family for dinner. He just made up some food to eat alone. However, I know from past years that he seldom goes to gf’s family. I think its because he takes medication for anxiety disorder, and feels overwhelmed by her large family. But he would never say so.

In fact, he’s the type to just keep things on a surface level, and never acknowledge anything serious or problematic. Even though he knows I've been disowned by momster, he doesn't show any support or concern, not even to say, "So did you talk to mom?" He just seems to think that by not even acknowledging there's a problem, it will go away on it's own. This makes me feel unsupported, like I'm an only child.

Before he got off the phone, though, I did press an issue with him. I asked him if it was true that he was offended (according to momster) that my fiance had asked momster why she thought neither of my bros nor me had gotten married before our 40s. He replied that he really doesn't get offended. But he did think it wasn't any of my fiance's business. And in fact, if my fiance would have asked him that, he would have told him so. Then he said, "But don't think I'm holding anything against you or anything." And that was pretty much it. We got off the phone.

I hung up feeling kind of sad and discouraged. I was looking for validation from a family member, and was disappointed. Oh well.